What does it take to be yourself? Looking back at being a teen.

My memories about my teenage times are sharp. It was a colorful period, with all the colors splashing at once. Lots of purple. Lots of black. 

I never fit in. I studied well, took care of my younger siblings, lived life almost according to the social protocol presented to me by relatives and school teachers  from the times I remember myself, but that was an outer outfit of my identity needed for survival and success at that point. It was decorated with tons of musts and shouldn'ts. The portrait that seems to fit in. At least a little. It wasn't fake, I could relate to a part of it, but often it served to withdraw my real self. 

My inner world was nothing like that. Not because I was a rebel, but I was desperately striving for a different structure of life. I wanted to explore, to be, to feel. To try, to experience and to get inspired. The given structure had unbreakable boundaries, which I from time to time dared to jump over. Of course, feeling that I'm a huge disappointment to my family. 

Years and years I was trying to balance my real and desired selfs and become something whole. I got confused putting so much effort  into fulfilling dozens of goals and expectations hitting like hail, making myself believe that I want and need some things which I actually didn't and forgetting about my real dreams. And you know what? I couldn't become whole, until I realised that most of the expectations I am trying to meet have no real value for myself. They are coming from outside and do not align with my vision and my heart. I granted myself permission to accept this and take responsibility for a change.

Shortly, I made an informed decision not to ever try to fit in or live to outer expectations, but to focus on my sincere and authentic vision of myself. It worked.

Transformation of my life structure was full of mental and emotional droughts, floods and hurricanes. Yet, I'm so grateful it happened. 

Looking back, what could be different?  

Big changes are tough and there is not much you can do about it. Reflecting on my teen years I come up with these thoughts.

• Transformation can be smoother and adaptation to it can be less painful if you get sufficient support from emotionally mature adults

• It is great to have an adult you trust. It changes the story. People trust those who listen.

• I am a feeler. People with this type of personality do not see value in actions and results if they do not feel the importance, the process, the growth and do not emotionally relate to it. I wish I understood earlier that it is perfectly fine. I am not the only one, many children are feelers too. Ask them what they feel. 

• Teens need love and acceptance. More than we, adults, imagine. Those are essential elements to manage tough times. 

• Being whole and being yourself is priceless. Help your teens to find this inner peace. They will thank you later. 

Talk to your teens. There might be a mesmerizing story going on behind the scenes.

Jeyla, your coach